The Absolutely True Story of My Most Excruciating PMDD Experience

(TW/CW: SUICIDAL IDEATION)

My last day of menstruation was November 18, 2022 and it was only three days of light bleeding. I was not concerned since I had a new IUD inserted May 2022 and lack of menses isn't a worry for me. Considering this is my second IUD (the Mirena IUD), it is common and normal to have the absence of menstruation. In the last couple of months, I have experienced heightened depression and anxiety, lack of motivation, and in an overall funk!

I knew something was wrong when I suddenly had an intrusive and nonchalant thought, "what if I don't take up from this nap... I do have the pills for them." My inner self was shocked, but I was so mentally exhausted that I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up, I didn't want to get up so I slept again. Mind you, I went to bed around 11pm the night before and woke up around 6am because I like getting things done before noon so I can relax and simply take on less work after 1pm to 2pm. I was awakened by my brother, telling me it's time for dinner. This was the day before he left for Palm Springs on the 5th.
I started day 1 of my cycle this past Sunday.

My PMDD had never been like this in my 3 years of self-diagnosis. I have never missed a month without getting my period either. My PMDD is so debilitating that I lay in bed until my pelvic area isn't feeling tender anymore. I take naps because I don't want to be awake to feel the pain. As soon as I start feeling good about my life and myself, the PMDD cycle comes right back. I'm usually clueless too, even though it's a monthly process; blaming it on exterior factors like stressful situations which only adds fire to the body inflammation. No wonder the holidays weren't that bad in 2022!